MY APPROACH

In our session I am focused on you and your experience. We will work together to understand and explore your thinking, behaviors and feelings reflecting on your life experiences. Taking the first step to come to therapy can be daunting and as such asking for support can be stressful in itself and may make you feel vulnerable and self conscious. However, taking that first step may be the key to a new beginning.

I take an integrated and trauma informed approach to therapy involving concepts of mindfulness and solution-focused therapy and using a combination of techniques from cognitive behavioral, person-centered, strengths-based, neuroscience, and psychodynamic therapy. I emphasize coping strategies, interpersonal communication, self-compassion, acceptance and living in alignment with your values as the foundation for my clients’ wellbeing. I do my best to balance humour, compassion, guidance, intuition, confrontation, analysis, education and empathy. 

I am interested in how attachment wounds interfere with our well-being and relationships. I believe we heal fastest in relationships and that the therapeutic relationship is the most important element of successful therapy. 

For relationships and couples I operate primarily from the teachings of the Developmental Model of Couples therapy which emphasises attachment, neurobiology and differentiation. Couples who work with me will learn about their brains, their early adaptive behaviour decisions and the ineffective patterns in their relationship that keep them stuck.  

I value clients from all backgrounds and seek to understand the intersecting identities and context that each of my clients bring to the room.

 

Navigating the stages of love to build a happy partnership

 I have been studying with the Couples Institute for over 2 years. This approach focuses on the growth and development of each partner individually in addition to the growth and development of the couple as a team. 

The premise of this approach is that couples evolve over time, as they progress they go through a series of predictable developmental stages that roughly parallel the stages of childhood development. 

The first stage is Bonding. This is the initial stage where the connection feels intense, exciting and idealized. Partners often feel a sense of harmony and emotional closeness, and there is a strong focus on attraction and bonding. During this phase, it's common for couples to overlook or minimize differences, as the relationship feels almost perfect. However, this phase is often short-lived, as the realities of daily life begin to surface.

The next stage is known as Differentiation. This stage is a critical and challenging time for many couples. As the initial idealization fades, differences in values, habits, and personalities can create tension. Conflicts may arise more frequently, and both partners might feel misunderstood or unappreciated. It's easy to fall into a cycle of blame or resentment during this stage, but it’s also a necessary part of relationship growth. This stage can look like a power struggle. Couples will be pushed to confront deeper issues, and navigating this phase successfully requires a willingness to work through conflict rather than avoid it.

After working through these early challenges, couples can move into the Practicing stage. Here, partners develop more effective ways of communicating, resolving conflicts, and managing their differences. There is a greater sense of understanding, and the emotional intensity of the power struggles begin to subside. Couples may feel more secure and comfortable with each other, learning to accept and appreciate their individual differences without letting them derail the relationship. During this stage a couple explores their independence, nurture outside friendships and spend time developing their self-esteem and competence in areas separate from the relationship. 

The Reconnecting stage marks a deepening of the relationship, where couples are more focused on long-term goals and shared values. There is a stronger sense of partnership and emotional intimacy, as both individuals feel fully accepted for who they are. They’ve moved past the turbulence of earlier stages and now enjoy a more balanced and enduring connection. A couple's sex life will deepen during this stage. 

Finally the Synergy stage represents the highest level of relational maturity. In this phase, couples experience a profound sense of collaboration and shared purpose. They not only support each other’s individual aspirations but also co-create a life together, blending their dreams, goals, and values. This stage is marked by a deep emotional bond, and couples often experience a sense of joy in both their personal lives and as a couple. The relationship is more resilient, and both partners feel deeply connected to each other, working as a team to create a fulfilling life together. In this stage the couple recognise that they are stronger together than each member is alone. 

For couples navigating these stages, it’s important to remember that each stage comes with its own set of challenges. Understanding where you are in your journey can help you manage the inevitable ups and downs with greater empathy and patience. With commitment, communication, and a willingness to grow, you can successfully move through each stage, building a deeper, more enduring partnership over time.

Drawing from a range of therapeutic approaches, cultural insights and life experiences, my approach offers a dynamic, personalized framework for each relationship. Instead of solely addressing the here-and-now I help you understand the developmental stages of your relationship. Together we identify where you are, how you have grown and what’s next in your journey towards a fulfilling and joyful partnership. 

One of the most transformative aspects of couples therapy is its ability to spark intra-psychic change - personal growth and emotional shifts within each partner - while working in the presence of the other. This process is not only powerful but often quicker than in individual therapy because of the unique dynamic created when both partners are in the room. 

Real-time feedback and reflection 

In individual therapy, insights about relationships are explored in the absence of the partner, requiring the client to imagine or reconstruct interactions. In couples therapy, the partner is present, allowing for immediate feedback, reflection and clarification. Misunderstandings and emotions triggers can be explored and resolved in the moment, accelerating personal and relational growth. 

With both partners present, it’s possible to create a safe space where vulnerability is encouraged. This safety allows each person to confront difficult feelings, acknowledge patterns and explore deeper emotional needs while feeling supported by their partners. This process can create profound emotional shifts that can be hard to achieve alone. 

 Whether you are looking for mental health support, psychotherapy, couples therapy or motivational coaching I offer a conversational approach to working through problems, life issues and goals. My hope is that through our meetings, we can work together to help you not only feel better but help you to live better as well.

 

Getting the most from couples therapy

Couples often come to therapy feeling uncertain, nervous, unsure of what to expect. It's common for individuals to initially focus on their partner's faults, hoping the therapist will side with them and change their spouse. However, therapy is most effective when both partners approach it with an open mind, ready to reflect on their own actions and values. My role is to support both of you in navigating this process and creating a path toward healthier communication and connection.

To move forward, it’s important to first reflect on why you’ve chosen couples therapy and what you hope to achieve. What are your personal goals, and how can we align them with your values and principles? Together, we’ll explore patterns in your relationship, identify areas that need attention, and work on breaking ineffective cycles.

Before diving into the work, it’s helpful for each of you to consider what kind of life and relationship you want to build together. What kind of partner do you want to be? Understanding what might be blocking your progress and what you need to learn along the way will also be key to making lasting change. This process takes time and effort, but it is an investment in the kind of partnership you aspire to create. I’m here to guide you through it every step of the way.

 

Decisions and tradeoffs

Creating the relationship you desire requires more than just a wish or hope—it involves intentional vision, clear agreements, and a willingness to make trade-offs. As Stan Tatkin often points out, relationships are not always easy, and our brains are wired to seek comfort and survival, not necessarily long-term success in love. This means that while love and affection are essential, they aren’t guaranteed without consistent effort. 

The first trade-off you’ll encounter is time. Building a satisfying, connected relationship takes time and intention. It will require setting aside personal or professional activities to nurture your bond, communicate, plan, and simply spend time together. This time commitment is essential, but it’s the foundation for deeper intimacy.

The second trade-off is emotional comfort. If this process were easy, you wouldn’t need a therapist. You’ll face moments where you’re confronted with difficult truths about how you’re not living in alignment with your values or the consequences of your actions. Being vulnerable in this way can be uncomfortable. It can also bring up emotional triggers or bring you face-to-face with old patterns of behavior you may not want to confront. But these challenges are part of the growth process, helping you evolve into a more intentional partner.

The third trade-off is energy. As Stan Tatkin emphasizes, we are each responsible for our own energy and emotional regulation. It can be difficult to improve how you react to problems, especially if you are sensitive or tend to withdraw when conflict arises. In a relationship, both partners’ energy systems affect each other. If one person is too reactive, the other will feel it, and it can create a cycle that’s hard to break. To build a strong partnership, you’ll need to develop emotional resilience and be mindful of how your energy impacts your partner.

Finally, while short-term gratification is tempting, the long-term goal of building a satisfying relationship requires patience and effort. Think of it like a three-legged race—both partners must work in sync, making adjustments and supporting each other as they move forward. It's not about speed; it's about coordination and commitment to the goal. The willingness to make these trade-offs—time, comfort, and energy—will help you create the relationship you both desire.

 

Focus on changing yourself instead of your partner

In relationships, it’s natural to want to change your partner, especially when things aren’t going the way you expect. But real transformation begins with focusing on yourself rather than trying to change the other person. The hardest—and most powerful—step is to shift your focus from wanting to change your partner’s behavior to improving your own response to challenges. You can’t control or change your partner, but you can influence the dynamics between you by changing how you show up in the relationship. 

It’s easy to be loving, patient, and understanding when everything is going well—the weather is perfect, the mood is light, and there’s no tension. But what happens when it’s cold, you’re tired, hungry, or stressed? That’s when you’re really tested. The true measure of growth is not how you behave in easy moments, but how you respond when things get tough. 

Fear often arises in these moments, signaling that you're not fully prepared to handle the situation. But these challenges also offer you valuable insights into yourself. When you can reflect on what triggers you, and how you react to those triggers, you begin to understand your own emotional landscape. This self-awareness is key to improving your responses and breaking the old patterns in your relationship.

The more you focus on how your partner “should” be different, the less likely you are to change the dynamics between you. Instead of waiting for your partner to change, shift your energy to what you can do differently. By working on your own growth, you create the possibility for change in the relationship as a whole.